1. On Lemmings

Dear Big Cheese,

Do Lemmings really jump off cliffs into the ocean?

Heather.

Dear Heather,

That was a kick-ass game, Lemmings. I rocked at that game.

As for your question, I believe the answer is no, not really. Lemming migrations are mostly a result of over-population which occur every few years. In their quest for food and space, sometimes an ocean gets in the way.

And hey, I'm no scientist. This is what Google is for.

God, Lemmings was a great game.

2. Copyright Law

Dear Big Cheese, Do you think those fine people over at homestarrunner would be upset at your blatant ripoff of their most popular character?

Ass-kicking Lincoln.

Dear Ass-kicking Lincoln,

Do you think the descendants of our sixteenth president would be upset at your blantant ripoff of their genetic material?

3. My Homosexuality

Dear Big Cheese,

When did you first find out you were gay?

"Anonymous"

Dear "Anonymous,"

You are quite astute. Let me tell you the story of that fateful night. It was a frigid November evening. I was in the library studying geology. I was halfway through The Erogeny of Fault-Block Mountain Ranges when a shadow was cast over my text. I looked up and beheld the person of W. E. Bartley. I had heard many tales of this young Casanova and it was clear he had marked me as his next conquest. I dutifully took notice of his handsome countenance and fine figure. Other females in the vicinity, upon spotting this Adonis, were dropping like flies, fainting at the mere sight of him. In an abandoned cubicle on the second floor, I tolerated his numerous advances. "What's the matter, baby?" he queried at my lack of reaction. I had no answer. What was wrong with me? In a desperate act to illicit some response, he pulled down his pants and underwear in one quick (and very adept) motion and at that moment, that precise moment, I became a homosexual.

The night I had sex with Will Bartley.

_____________________________________________

From,

the Big Cheese.

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